Follow on TwitterComedy VIDEO: Triumph ‘The Insult Comic Dog’ Covers Presidential Debate, GOP Spin Room
Conan O’Brien’s furry correspondent Triumph takes GOP scalps at the final 2012 Presidential Debate:
WATCH:
Top 10 ‘Truly Tasteless’ Dick Cheney Heart Transfer Jokes
I got a bit bored last night, so took to writing/Tweeting some Dick Cheney Heart Transfer Jokes.
Yes, some are not very good. And unfortunately, the best ones are entirely inappropriate, but hey, the guy’s a war criminal, so spare me the outrage.
Here they are (in 140 characters or less):
10. Hope Dick Cheney pulls through. Don’t want him evading justice that easily.
9. Dick Cheney will live to torture us another day.
8. When I said before that Dick Cheney was heartless, you though I was kidding around.
7. Haven’t listened to Chris Matthews in months, but I predict he lectured his viewers tonight that it’s pronounced Cheenie, not Cheney.
6. To allow 71 year old war criminal to cut ahead in long waiting list (where children get priority), anonymous donor was secretly a chimp.
5. With five heart attacks already under his belt, Cheney feels new heart may give him an edge in topping the all-time record.
4. Poor Dick feared he’d shot his last friend in the face.
3. Anonymous donor turned out to be Liz Cheney. She’d had it on ice for well over a decade.
2. If I’m David Gregory, I don’t wanna be eating any Scottish Haggis at Liz’s house, unless she can show me her father’s in a jar.
1. 5 heart attacks and a heart transfer, and he’s still here? It’s as if Hell won’t even have anything to do with him.
BONUS: Amnesty International told doctors, in advance, if they were to accidentally forget to administer the anesthesia, even they’d look the other way.
Thank you! **bows** Thank you! Thank you! **bows again**
NEW ADDITIONS:
1. Dick Cheney went into heart surgery bitching about Iran. He emerged from surgery vowing to conquer world poverty.
2. They attempted to grow Cheney’s heart using his DNA & stem cells in petri dish, but it kept turning to shit.
3. We still got Dick Cheney to kick around.
UPDATE:
FELT I SHOULD ADD: Before anyone feels too sorry for Dick Cheney, remember that he made nearly $8 million from Halliburton stock option appreciation just between the years 2004 and 2005, due to the Iraq War, which he mislead us into.
In that war, hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis lost their lives, thousands of U.S. troops lost their lives, 2 million Iraqis lost their homes and became displaced.
Dick Cheney tortured people, around 100 of which died from torture.
Dick Cheney feels no remorse. He says he would do it all again: the Iraq War, the torturing, everything…
He is estimated to be worth around $100 million, walking the streets a free person (despite all the calamity he has caused), and he even gets to appear on the MSM whenever he wants, to weigh in on current events, and continue his fear mongering.
Since he is unlikely to ever face justice for his crimes against humanity (and his profiteering from it), the least we can do, is poke some fun at him on the heels of his successful surgery, that so ironically involved his ‘heart.’
WATCH: Ricky Gervais’ Controversial 2011 Golden Globes Monologue
Ricky Gervais was absolutely hysterical Sunday night as host of the 2011 Golden Globe Awards!
Granted, he pushed the envelope in terms of appropriateness, but come on now — seriously! — isn’t that what all of us are secretly hoping for from any major award event’s comic MC? Without a Ricky Gervais or Chris Rock or someone who’s going to shake the evening up a bit, the event always evolves into something resembling a slow death — an unmemorable, uneventful fizzle.
Chelsea Handler hosted the Mtv Awards recently, and it was obvious that she deliberately toned it down — played it conservatively. I had to switch the channel after about 10 minutes. Boring! More often than not, these comics rose to stardom, because they wouldn’t allow their shtick to be roped into some old Hollywood magnate’s idea of “wholesome & uncontroversial” etiquette.
Now, I don’t enjoy seeing blatant cruelty directed at anyone, but look at who he singled out for a spirited ribbing: Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Hugh Hefner, and some unnamed Scientology stars. And he pummeled Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie’s latest film, The Tourist. None of them strike me as the kinds who will lose sleep from being joked on by a stand-up comic, like Gervais.
It’s been reported that members of the Hollywood Foreign Press reacted as if his jokes destroyed the entire evening. I’m guessing they’ll soon discover that this year’s Golden Globes will be the most talked about event of the month. And if they were wise enough to bring Gervais back next year, the event would likely garner twice the ratings it did this year — on Gervais’ presence alone.
But that appears unlikely to happen.
Gervais apparently got in the most trouble for making fun of Philip Berk, the current head of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA). Another member was quoted as saying to PopEater:
“Ricky will not be invited back to host the show next year, for sure,” a member of the HFPA tells me, adding that Gervais’ relentlessly mean shtick could have even larger consequences. “For sure any movie he makes he can forget about getting nominated. He humiliated the organization last night and went too far with several celebrities whose representatives have already called to complain.”
I doubt Ricky Gervais is worried. His stock has risen considerably after this performance.
WATCH his beginning monologue:
UPDATE:
Ricky Gervais responds to his critics.
WATCH: New Ricky Gervais Appearance On Conan O’Brien
Ricky Gervais — one of the funniest comics around — appeared on Conan O’Brien last Thursday to discuss his upcoming gig hosting the Golden Globe Awards. He also has a new one-off HBO special “Talking Funny” with fellow comedians Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, and Louis CK. Here’s the entire interview, for your pleasure: ENJOY!
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